Confessions of a Hipster

I'm confused. I don't know whether I should be happy or ragingly jealous and protective. The Head and The Heart just played over the speakers in Cups. I feel like I should rejoice. Yay! They are entering a coffee shop in Jackson, Ms! This coffee shop has a pretty cool playlist (Florence & The Machine, Of Monsters and Men, The Lumineers, the latest Mumford & Sons cd (not the stuff on the radio but lesser known songs from the album) Bourbon & Bitters (ok just kidding they dont play b&b but how cool would that be, eh? one day...)) The Head and The Heart are mine though. I want them to succeed and have a big following  BUT I TOTALLY KNEW THEM BEFORE THE COFFEE SHOP DID!!! (thanks to a certain blorgotroth blurore) This coffee shop is cool. I will concede that. But, come on they aren't that cool these people don't understand The Head and The Heart deserve more than to just be played over a speaker in a coffee shop. They deserve a shout out. The barista should stop all buisness and command all the customers to listen because what is playing is totally the awesomest EVER.  I guess I can't keep T.H.A.T.H. to myself forever. They need to spread their wings and get out of the nest of my musical tree. I water this tree with harmony and humming and it blossoms and protects the sweet little birds of music that I discover (or discover via other people who like to help me tend my tree by grafting/pruning/general maintenance(I just spelled that word without spell check. BOOYA!) like if I'm out of town or something). They may fly away for a little bit, but they know who gave them a home and they fly back to me eventually.  My music tree does NOT look like the tree above. If you see that tree it's not mind. Mine is planted in a garden far far away where no one can find it, on my unicorn farm.
Fun fact of the day: The word mare is Old English -- it means a witch or spirit or goblin. A ‘nightmare’ supposedly would crawl on top of you while you slept, paralyzing you and causing you to have scary dreams.
Because a bad dream itself isn't scary enough.

ramblins

So here I am in Cups, again. Whatever, it just be like that sometimes. I have officially been sick for the two biggest holidays of 2012. That's right folks I was sick on Easter and then again on Christmas. Christmas was way worse though. Easter left me without a voice and tired beyond belief. Christmas had me in bed thinking I had arthritis all over my body, feverish, hoarse, and with a cough. I skyped some peeps and then watched SIXTEEN episodes of How I Met Your Mother...... I was delusional and feverish kids, ok. Don't judge me. Most of the folks in my family were sick. I'm pretty sure Christmas Lunch was attended by two members of my family. I'm not really sure how I'm up and about and at a coffee shop right now. I guess it was a 24 hour thing. It was a pretty awful 24 hour thing though. I haven't been sick like that since high school. So Christmas was kind of a haze but I got some sweet boots. They're like "pip pip cheerio lets hop on the old sallies and go off on a jolly old fox hunt!" kind of boots. I also got corn nuts (SCORE), and the new Brandi Carlile album "Bear Creek". That is an awesome name for an album of my life.
OH MY GOODNESS. I almost forgot! Les Miserables came out yesterday and it was supposed to be a family outing tomorrow. We were all going to go see it, my family and I. But then everyone caught the plague except two and we didn't get to see it!!! It was probably one of the biggest disappointments of my life. I told everyone that I was going to go see it on Christmas and now my sickness made me a liar. I have to go see it tomorrow. This is not nearly as special. I have been looking forward to this since forever. Ever since I saw the preview, Which made me cry the first 25 times I saw it. (Anne Hathaway sings I Dreamed a Dream like no body's business) So that was awful.
Now I am sitting in Cups drinking chamomile tea and listening to a mix of Frightened Rabbit, Christmas music, and Tchaikovsky. I love Tchaikovsky he is so cool. Russians are the coolest.
News flash I'm currently eavesdropping on two men. One lives off Lankershim in LA and is a struggling actor he waits tables... cliche much struggling actor? He auditioned for a reality tv hosting job of the dirty jobs genera of reality tv. The other guy is a producer who just recently produced something for the travel channel called off the map. He was also in a Life time movie and was going to star in a sit com on fox but his contract was burned due to some sort of internal strife at fox. I should just go up and be like "yo diggity I live in California too! we should be friends and talk about California things like Trader Joe's and granola and surf 'n yogurt. I met Anthony Hopkins. I like your glasses. Nice Sweater. Can I have part of your muffin?" I have a feeling we would hit it off great. I think they've noticed me looking at them. They haven't lowered their voices so clearly they don't care who hears them. They are the loudest people in this whole room its kinda ridiculous. But i hope they don't stop because the wifi is down and I don't really have anything else to do right now. Luckily I had my blag up already before the internet crashed so I am able to eavesdrop and blag at the same time. High five for me.
Ah someone else has just entered the scene I recognize him... I feel like I saw him this summer and for some reason I don't like what I remember... AH he's in Methodist Seminary and he was a total booger to my dad and me once when we were asking him about the the Southern Methodist Bishop election. A family friend was in the running (he won btdubs). But this guy was a total poop and acted like he was soooooo much smarter that us and we were like chill out you protestant hipster doofus.
Producer man is gonna have a party soon maybe he'll invite me! I just found out the actors email and the producer's name is Clifton he has a girlfriend. She's an actress.
There's a girl in the corner wearing a sweater I own! Who does she think she is?!

Fa-La-La-La-La-La-La-La-La!!!!!!

It's been a while blagosphere and I'm sorry it's been way too long. For the past few days I have been trying my darndest to get to Cups so I could blog. However surprisingly my days have been very full so I haven't gotten to come here. I know what you're all thinking, WHAT?! Shadynasty's days are filled with dreadfully important things to do? this is not the Shadynasty we remember from the summer! Well it's because I've changed, I had my wisdom teeth out a week ago! I know, I'm never gonna be the same again, its awful, yet, its just what I needed. Actually, no, no one needs to have their jaw cut into and have their teeth ripped out. MY JAW STILL HURTS. But, don't make a big deal out of it or anything. Who invented wisdom teeth????!!! they have no purpose!
I went to wal-mart the other day. It was amazing and completely overwhelming. I thought I was gonna die a few times. I found the Titanic on sale though! I didn't get it though... I saw 12 people I went to High school with at wal-mart, and successfully avoided 6 of them! It is impossible to go to a store in Jackson without running into at least one person you know. I also went to Target it was great I got clothes!
It's Christmas Eve!!!! I love Christmas! this one is gonna be weird though because my big brother and sister both live in Texas now so it's just gonna be me and my parents and my little sisters. Only five people will be home for Christmas.... weird.... I'm completely ashamed but we didn't even get our tree up till yesterday and we haven't even started decorating it till today... oops. But we have egg nog and cinnamon rolls and sausage rolls and 3, that's right, THREE turkeys.               Just let that sink in for a moment                         Don't ask me why we have that many. I have no idea. NO IDEA. Don't worry we are only eating one tomorrow if we even eat half of it, turkeys are huge. I asked my parents if i could make mashed potatoes to go with our Christmas lunch and my parents asked me if I was sick. Apparently only Yankees make mashed potatoes with their big meals. I don't understand. Mashed potatoes are beautiful fluffy things that make everything taste amazing and are what the clouds made of in Unicorn Land (they rain butter). I think Mashed potatoes are for all peoples regardless of nationality (Yankee or confederate). I have a dream that one day I will eat Mashed potatoes at Christmas lunch and no one will care! Who's with me?!
I keep almost falling asleep in the middle of Cups. I'm sitting on a couch that they have which is kinda gross because who know who has been here before. I can't have been the first person to have used this couch. But, what if I am! think about what that would mean! Ok, I just thought about it and it doesn't really mean anything, unless it's a contest where the first person to use it gets 3 wishes from the Couch Genie. The Couch Genie is related to the Birthday Goblin, and the Awesomeness Fairy. More on those later. The Couch Genie is the brother of the Diaper Genie. He's the firstborn son of the Hogfather, which explains why he gets to be the Couch Genie and not the Diaper Genie. He grants wishes to the first person to sit on a couch ever. Futons, day beds, recliner chairs, and bunk beds are not included. His skin is whatever cloth that particular couch is made of and he has crumbs and batteries and remote controller pieces and pacifiers, and half eaten candy in his hair. He is shaped like a potato, but don't mention that to him, he's very sensitive about it.  But, I wasn't the first person to sit on this couch, so it doesn't matter for me, bummer.
Just now i thought I lost everything I had written so far it was the worst feeling in the entire world. I was seriously considering throwing my chamomile tea at leopard print platform stiletto woman across the room from me. I think i might anyway just because she is wearing leopard print platform stilettos in the middle of the day on Christmas Eve with jeans on.......... really lady.......
Alright I have to skedaddle I have no idea what this post is about, its just nonsense. But aren't we all?
MERRY CHRISTMAS EAT MASHED POTATOES!!!! I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!

Muffins and a Read Through

I used to be a prominent member of the Musical Theatre scene in the Metro-Jackson area. Just kidding, I only ever dabbled in theatre. School stuff mostly with the exception of my one play I did at the only professional theatre company in Mississippi. Thank you thank you very much I was a "modern woman" in Thoroughly Modern Millie Jr. I was great I did the Charleston and acted like a drunk. I didn't have to do much character development. Anyway the reason I am saying this is because there is a huge table full of people doing a read through of a play not 3 feet from me. One member of the group is my old art teacher from elementary school and another one I recognize taught me stage combat at theatre camp. Yes, I went to theatre camp. I love theatre people they are SO dramatic. Let me relate to you some of the snippets I have heard from their conversation.
"And I had like NO saliva in my mouth!" "GASP"
"I have nothing important to say...." (he then looks away and sighs)
"Yeah I have nothing important to say either" (everyone glares at her and is like, oh so original, jenny...)
"Jim, its me..."
"what does ave maria mean?"
At that last comment I completely took my earphones out (nothing was playing. Earphones are my best prop whenever I eavesdrop) and obviously leaned forward trying to hear.
"What is a N.I.C.U.?"
At this point I have despaired at these peoples intelligence
"Are there any drugs in this house?"
"I gave it up"
I'm about to completely check out of this read through. It is not entertaining. I got excited at the drug part but Jim gave it up?! Whats up with that! Come on Jim throw some spice into this play. Oh wait Jim is saying he's in denial over how sick Jeannie is! OH NOW HE'S OPENING A BOX. Let down, it was just a bracelet. OH NO THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO KISS!!!! (the director is reading the stage directions out loud and just read all these really detailed descrpitions about how these two old geezers are supposed to make out on stage) Jim and lisa are really old people in real life. ewwwwwwwwwwwww Lisa has a child in real life whats going on here?! And she has one in the play!!! Everyone knows old people don't kiss. (Except Meryl Streep she kisses a lot for an old lady)
Ok, I just can't listen to these people anymore. This play sounds awful.
I'm now listening to Laura Marling again. I just had coffee with my friend and we seriously just sat there and gushed about Laura Marling's music for like half an hour. Nothing better than a good music gush with a muffin.
Yesterday I went to the local bakery/bistro and bought a muffin for this morning and the lady behind the counter said "oh, like, its a 2 for 1 deal on muffins tonight do you want another one?" She asked me this like it was a legit question, serious expression and all. I was just like, seriously?! This isn't a question lady give me that second muff. Put it in the bag. What planet are you from? Has anyone ever turned you down when you told them that? Does anyone turn down a free muffin? IT'S A MUFFIN for crying out loud!
There is only one complaint I have with this coffee shop. They don't sell lemon poppyseed muffins. They sell blueberry and chocolate chip and some weird bran kind that no one ever buys (I'm convinced that those bran muffins are like five years old bran muffs are the worst) but they never have lemon poppy seed. So, what I do is every now and then I will go buy myself a lemon poppy seed muffin and then sneak it into the coffee shop and hide in the back room and eat it with my coffee.

Meanwhile Back at the Ranch...

So I'm sitting at cups and the wifi is down, so I'm writing all this on the word processor on my computer, whilst listening to a cd my friend sent me! But, the wifi is down… So I'm considering downing this disgusting green tea (Never more quoth me, never more) and walking over to The Sneaky Bean. Its the soups sketch coffee shop around the corner. I've always hated it because I'm like "who do you think you are trying to put up a coffee shop when everyone knows that cups is the best place in the world?!" They also gave me weird looks and got all quiet when I went in there one day. Oh and they serve beer at night and the crowd always looks super sketch whenever I drive past. OH AND their name is the SNEAKY BEAN... I feel like they are probs an underground trafficking place of some sort. Why do they have to be so sneaky? There are usually a bunch of dreadlocked tattooed druggie hipster doofuses hanging out there... What am I thinking?! That sounds like an awesome group to go hang with! If you don't hear from me in a few days I have joined their clan. Wait… I don't have wifi so I can't post this…. Its also a heat index of 104 today so I think it would be better to just stay inside and send hate vibes towards their wifi systerm (I've come to the conclusion that I like to put "r's" into words ex. terxted=texted Hellur=Hello Herro=Hello systerm=system Reginer Sperkterer=Regina Spektor Curps=Cups. You get the point) maybe it will magically heal itself. I guess I could just get up and go and complain but that would involve talking to them and I don't feel like I should be on speaking terms with them since their wifi isn't working
OH MY GOSH!!!!! Guess what happened to me Saturday!!!! I have graduated to the status of Regular here at cups! The other day I walked in and the barista turned to me and went "Hey you!" I almost died (it wasn't the cute one it was just a normal one) I'm a YOU!!!! I'm recognizable! They know me!!! I went and deposited my back pack and went to the counter. Then the barista said and i quote "You gettin a student flavor?" to which I replied "YES. YES I AM!" They know my order!!! I pulled out like every bit of change on my person and dumped it ail into the tip jar. It totally made my day. I finally got my wish. But now they aren't giving me the wifi I deserve so I'm not talking to them anymore.
I guess I could read the Aeneid or something. I do love that book. I'm about to start the chapter entitled "The Passion of The Queen" OooooOOOooo sounds raunchy if you ask me. (I renamed it "The Gumbo Pot Gets Spiced") I can't wait to read the one called "Juno gets served by a fury."  Ok I added served into there, but it sounds so much cooler that way. If Juno went to high school she would be regina george I'm sure.
PRAISE THE LORD ITS BACK I knew it could do it. (the wifi that is)

two days later
The other day I did 1000 jumping jacks and now every time I walk my calves try to make me fall over. Oh, its August now! So that means 15 days till I hit the trail! I should start doing things like packing. I stink at packing. I was once told that I need to take a remedial packing class by a man who looks like tim allen. Once I found a taxidermized cat in my suitcase. I have no idea how that happened. Actually I have an inkling and I plan on bringing about justice for this offense.
Ok, does anybody actually like the flavor Hazelnut, because it is AWFUL if you ask me.

Tornadoes and Women's Vitality

I got up incredibly early this morning and now I am at cups (whoa tiger that was a LOT of sugar you just put in your coffee flavored drink girl! (I say coffee flavored because there is now more sugar and milk than coffee in that cup (also I seriously doubt she actually got coffee she looked like more of a cocomochacookiecrumblecream person))) I am very impressed this morning I was observing some very handsome strangers and then it struck me, we are awake in the wee small hours of the morning and you still managed to look THAT GOOD?!... (Oh sorry attractive man did I just spill my coffee all over you? I guess you will have to take me out to dinner and a movie to pay me back for the coffee I just wasted!) That's more than I can say for myself. I slept with my hair in a bun and now its all like, "I don't care if you want to wear your hair down like a normal person I am going to keep your hair looking like its in a drunk bun even if there isn't a pony tail holder in it" Who grew you hair?! WHO GREW YOU?!
I'm meeting my friends boyfriend today. His name is Kyle. I need to make sure he has a belly button. I plan on hot seating him whenever my friend goes to the bathroom during the dinner date I invited myself to. Kyle is just gonna have to be a third wheel sorry pal. They've been dating for forever they need me to spice things up for them. Maybe I will bring my guitar and serenade them with "smelly cat" to set the mood.
Speaking of cats did I tell yall that nasty cat at work died? Well it did.
There is a group of old men sitting at a table extremely close to where people queue for coffee. I think they like to taunt the customers. I would if I were old and sitting that close to the queue. "You might as well give up. You will never get your coffee. You're wearing THAT while you drink coffee? It's your funeral... CHUG CHUG CHUG. Do you need me to take your keys? Your shoelaces are untied."
Taunting is the best if it were an Olympic sport I would be the leading contender. I got most school spirit 2 non-consecutive years in school, the year in between I got class clown... I don't know why they voted me that... I never did anything funny in class. Anyway, most school spirit translates to loudest heckler at school sporting events. I was forcibly removed from games. Volleyball is no joke ok! I don't care if you're "supposed to be quite when the other team serves" do you think they're going to be quiet at the olympics? doubt it.
A guy with a doctor who? shirt on just sat next to me, he derf is not impressing me with an ability to be attractive in the morning.
I spy a fanny pack!

3 Days Later

WHEW I just got an americano and I am Wired with a capital double you. So is it weird to watch movies on your lap top in a coffee shop? I'm going to go ahead and say yes it is so I won't do that.  I've started tweeting again but I refuse to tell anyone what my name is because there are tweets on there from senior year and they're really stupid/embarrassing
Oh so I found this new trail mix that they sell in bulk at The Fresh Market, which is like a wannabe Whole Foods Market, it's called "Womens Vitality Mix." It has pumpkin seeds and almonds and dark chocolate chips and dried prunes and cherries and sunflower seeds! So when I met Kyle, I didn't really know what to say, and the first thing that popped out of my mouth was "Sorry if I reek of Women's Vitality I just ate a bag of it." Oh yeah, true story.
Of course seeing as the meeting ended up being semi awkward cause we didn't really know what to say my friend started relating embarrassing stories about things I "supposedly" screamed during tornado alerts.

In case it isn't common knowledge Mississippi is in the Bible Belt, but an even less known fact is that we are also in the TORNADO BELT "thunder crashes in background and tornado siren goes off" So what they do is they train you at a very young age (holy CABOOSES im pretty sure James Van Der Beek's twin just walked in, on second thought no and if he is he derf got the short end of the gene pole) with the essentials of Tornado survival 1) find a room slash hallway with no windows B)find a rickety metal set of lockers to crouch next too 3) cover your neck and pray. The above video is from my senior year. This is the day where I "supposedly" screamed weird things, whatever...

A Maelstrom of Fannypacks

Well hello strangers. I am doing something unprecedented. I am sitting in Barnes and Noble blagging. What?! I need some fresh faces to people watch. Plus I already spent a considerable amount of time at cups today. I'll go back later once the shift changes. Today I discovered two new words that I didn't even realize were real words or fake words till I read them in a beautiful book I'm reading. 1st word of the day Afflatus- A divine creative impulse or inspiration. Did you know that was a word?! I have a friend who has a board on pintrest and it is titled Afflatus. But I thought she made it up cause she's awesome and makes up cool words a lot. But, she didn't make this one up. At first I was dissapointed, then I was like wait this word is amazing... my friend is so cool cause she knows this awesome word!
The next word is Maelstrom- A powerful whirlpool in the sea or a river (a mythical whirlpoop (that is the best typo I have ever had the privilege to typo so it stays)  supposed to exist in the arctic ocean, west of Norway) Holy cabooses!!!! What an awesome word! How I am going to sneak this into day to day conversation I have no idea. I also have no on earthly idea how in the great cosmos to pronounce it... Oh well that is the fun of new words. I thought facade was said with a hard c for the longest time. Nope. Gee it sounds so nice with the hard c. I thought "album" was "albLum" which is how it should be said if you ask me. I say it the right way when I'm not talking to myself in my head. But, it is said very deliberately. If you ever hear me say it you can be sure that I am making very sure that I say it without the L.  Anyway sorry I got you caught up in that maelstrom of... nope too forced. (I also can't come up with a word to describe the past 2 or 3 sentences.) I will find a way don't you worry.There is a woman across from me who is actually writing with a huge flower pen. To my right there is an old man eating a bagel and drinking nantucket apple juice whilst wearing a tweed fedora with feathers poking out of it very Dr. Doolittle, not to be confused with Eliza Doolittle I'm pretty sure she wasn't a doctor and I'm pretty sure she didn't wear fedoras. Nook tablet for dummies is on sale they should sell "Dummie Books for Dummies" telling all the dummies in the world what dummie books they should purchase if they don't want to be called a dummie anymore. I think the internet just went out here at B&N and by the tragic look on the face of the hipster in front of me i would say yes it has. Oh there it goes! its back on again!! Fear not hipster man all is well on the blagoblogesphere. I hear that's what the young kids are calling it these days. I want a fanny pack. I feel like I need a change maybe I'll get bangs or maybe I will get a fanny pack. They are both pretty big changes but I think it would be good for me. I've been so snippy lately. (I know its hard to believe, me? snippy? get out of town! get off the stage! shut the front door! drop the anchor! pull in the sails! avast the brigands! (that's a saying right?) swab the deck! do the stanky leg! hem your pants! guard the cellar! drop it like its hot! burn the hatches!) I don't know what it is but I've been nipping everything in the bud lately. I need an attitude adjustment or a fanny pack either one will do. No, actually only the fanny pack will do. If you would like to donate to the "Find Me a Fannypack Fund" just send me money. (I made fannypack one word so that I could have my alliteration)