Tornadoes and Women's Vitality

I got up incredibly early this morning and now I am at cups (whoa tiger that was a LOT of sugar you just put in your coffee flavored drink girl! (I say coffee flavored because there is now more sugar and milk than coffee in that cup (also I seriously doubt she actually got coffee she looked like more of a cocomochacookiecrumblecream person))) I am very impressed this morning I was observing some very handsome strangers and then it struck me, we are awake in the wee small hours of the morning and you still managed to look THAT GOOD?!... (Oh sorry attractive man did I just spill my coffee all over you? I guess you will have to take me out to dinner and a movie to pay me back for the coffee I just wasted!) That's more than I can say for myself. I slept with my hair in a bun and now its all like, "I don't care if you want to wear your hair down like a normal person I am going to keep your hair looking like its in a drunk bun even if there isn't a pony tail holder in it" Who grew you hair?! WHO GREW YOU?!
I'm meeting my friends boyfriend today. His name is Kyle. I need to make sure he has a belly button. I plan on hot seating him whenever my friend goes to the bathroom during the dinner date I invited myself to. Kyle is just gonna have to be a third wheel sorry pal. They've been dating for forever they need me to spice things up for them. Maybe I will bring my guitar and serenade them with "smelly cat" to set the mood.
Speaking of cats did I tell yall that nasty cat at work died? Well it did.
There is a group of old men sitting at a table extremely close to where people queue for coffee. I think they like to taunt the customers. I would if I were old and sitting that close to the queue. "You might as well give up. You will never get your coffee. You're wearing THAT while you drink coffee? It's your funeral... CHUG CHUG CHUG. Do you need me to take your keys? Your shoelaces are untied."
Taunting is the best if it were an Olympic sport I would be the leading contender. I got most school spirit 2 non-consecutive years in school, the year in between I got class clown... I don't know why they voted me that... I never did anything funny in class. Anyway, most school spirit translates to loudest heckler at school sporting events. I was forcibly removed from games. Volleyball is no joke ok! I don't care if you're "supposed to be quite when the other team serves" do you think they're going to be quiet at the olympics? doubt it.
A guy with a doctor who? shirt on just sat next to me, he derf is not impressing me with an ability to be attractive in the morning.
I spy a fanny pack!

3 Days Later

WHEW I just got an americano and I am Wired with a capital double you. So is it weird to watch movies on your lap top in a coffee shop? I'm going to go ahead and say yes it is so I won't do that.  I've started tweeting again but I refuse to tell anyone what my name is because there are tweets on there from senior year and they're really stupid/embarrassing
Oh so I found this new trail mix that they sell in bulk at The Fresh Market, which is like a wannabe Whole Foods Market, it's called "Womens Vitality Mix." It has pumpkin seeds and almonds and dark chocolate chips and dried prunes and cherries and sunflower seeds! So when I met Kyle, I didn't really know what to say, and the first thing that popped out of my mouth was "Sorry if I reek of Women's Vitality I just ate a bag of it." Oh yeah, true story.
Of course seeing as the meeting ended up being semi awkward cause we didn't really know what to say my friend started relating embarrassing stories about things I "supposedly" screamed during tornado alerts.

In case it isn't common knowledge Mississippi is in the Bible Belt, but an even less known fact is that we are also in the TORNADO BELT "thunder crashes in background and tornado siren goes off" So what they do is they train you at a very young age (holy CABOOSES im pretty sure James Van Der Beek's twin just walked in, on second thought no and if he is he derf got the short end of the gene pole) with the essentials of Tornado survival 1) find a room slash hallway with no windows B)find a rickety metal set of lockers to crouch next too 3) cover your neck and pray. The above video is from my senior year. This is the day where I "supposedly" screamed weird things, whatever...